As I had said before the life of a student is difficult at times because you are constantly depriving yourself of sleep. Everything is done in a rush and I mean everything. But, once you have completed an assignment you might think, "Man, it wasn't that difficult but now I can relax for a couple of days." On Saturday, I had to go to a teacher's seminar and enjoyed it very much.
The only thing that I hated was that I had to get up very early and well I was still late.
Always in a rush! I had a great time. The unit project that my partner and I were working on was looking good but we had to turn it in at 11:59 am that same evening on the infamous WEBCT.
I was sick of the project by the time I got home at aroung 5 p.m. and what a shock I received when I walked into the kitchen! My puppy looked like it was dead. I had left her some food in the morning and she seemed fine. I had played with her the day before and one of my friends did as well. Well, her little head was lying on top of the food basin and she looked as if she was dead. I saw her and screamed. I rushed to get away from the food and found that she was crying in pain. I immediately called my boyfriend and told him,"The puppy is sick, we need to take to the vet now!" She was barely alive and I gave her water which she drank. I just don't know why she got sick overnight.
In the morning she was crying as shw usually did because she was hungry. I know she missed her sister. We has sold her and my grandmother took her to Corpus Christi,TX so that she could be with the new owner. She got diarrhea and knew that she had a fever because her tummy felt very h0t. I just don't know what could have happened. I was so nervous that I rushed to my boyfriend's house, speeding all the way. In my mind, I was just thinking hurry up! Hurry Up damnit! I need to get her to the vet in Mexico.
I needed to take money out from the ATM. God, I just had 106.00 dlls. I took out 40 because I needed to leave cash or I was going to get a freakin' overdraft plus it's 18% fee.
We get to the vet and it was closed. I was locked out but I still knocked so that they could see that I wasn't going anywhere. Yes, typical American attitude: rude and stubborn. But, it got me a visit with the vet. I got charged $35.oo for an emergency visit. I said it was fine. I thought the dog could be saved. I was already so streesed out because I still needed to turn in the assignment and it still had to be put into a power pt presentation. Then, deal with all this. I began to cry; I was so stressed out.
I was in this situation a year ago, when my aunt brought me her puppy so that I could babysit it while she went on a trip. I got so mad because the dog had diarrhea and it was as sick as mine was at that moment. I saw the dog loose it's ability to walk and it streched itself each time she felt a surge of pain. Can you imagine what was going through my head. It was the same situation. I just could not bear to see my puppy suffer. With my aunt's dog all I could do was pray and pray to God. At first I prayed that it would live and hoped that it would. "Father, you can move mountains and part the sea. Please save this puppy." Then I prayed, "Lord please take her pain away and take her. I can't bare to see her in so much pain." Only she knew the kind of pain she was feeling. So, remembering that moment. I had to make the most horrible decision of my life. I told the vet to euthanize her. He told me that she had a virus and that she was in a lot of pain. He could try to hospitalize her but it wouldnt' guarantee her survival.
I asked him how much it would cost me. He said $25 for the death shot and $35 for the emergency consultation. I began to cry, I only had 40 bucks!! I didn't want to take her home and wait for her to die of pain! He perceived my situation and only charged me $5.
But that was not the worst part. We were going to bury her and I told my boyfriend to take care of her. He said,"I think she is still alive." I said,"what! Are you sure" I immediately took her out of the platic bag that the vet put her in. Oh God! She suffocated to death! My sadness turned to anger and guilt. I vowed never to take to that vet. We had been taking our dogs there for many yrs. That was just the worst feeling ever. maybe we could have done more. But I didn't want het to suffer. At the end, she suffered more. How cruel I was and how cruel was the damn vet.
I hope that I did the right thing! I will never forget it.
On top of that, I was having problems with my computer and could not send my paper. Until my partner finally sent it from her computer. But, we unfortunately could not send it as a powwerpt. She had to take pics of the game that we created. She worked so hard on it.
It was a terrible time for me. And I had nightmares that I was giving medicine to that puppy.
It's hard to see that her mother was looking for her up until yesterday. She was sniffing around and sort of yelping. "Where is my child" It's too emotianally painful. I won't have any part in dogbreeding. I already told my grandmother that she will have to take care of it on her own. I will not help her. I might take the dog to have a secret spading so that she won't have anymore puppies.
I have my own six month puddle and I vow to never breed her. I love her too much.
I did turn in my assignment and my partner and I hope for the best results.
I has passed and there will be a lot more moments like these. Filled with pain that passes.
Filled with streessful moments that make you act crazy but that too will pass.
Why a red phoenix?
Lke the bird, I too have risen up from the ashes and am born of fire.
I risen risen up from the ashes of my pain, anger, solitude, unforgiveness, and very dark feelings. I am now new because I was born from the fire that liberated me of that state of being
and am now triumphant. I realize that I have no choice but to keep fighting to go on and pick myself up everytime I fall. I will rise from the fire each time I get liberated from negativity.
